


Weak and Broken

by evilwriter37



Category: Supernatural
Genre: After the Fall, Castiel's Wings, Dean is Awesome, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:49:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8470915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilwriter37/pseuds/evilwriter37
Summary: Castiel mourns the state his wings are in after the Fall and Dean comforts him.





	

Castiel stood before a mirror in one of the bunker’s many bathrooms. Nerves crackled a strange heat in his belly.

_Maybe I shouldn’t…_

He hadn’t looked at his wings for months, and if he went through with it now it would only be his third time of doing so after the Fall and getting his grace back.

The return of his grace had been an amazing thing: an explosion of new life and energy and power. But it had also been terrible. Amongst the glorious, ecstatic return of it, there had been pain, a burning and an aching that he’d never felt before. His wings. Or what was left of them. They had burned and broken and left nothing but raw flesh and bone. As a human he couldn’t fly, and, restored to an angel, he still couldn’t fly. It felt like a stroke of cruelty from the universe.

He felt no pain now though, with the power of his wings separate from this form unless he summoned them. And now he was considering doing so, to see if they had finally begun to heal.

With a deep breath, he called upon them. There was a ringing and a bright white light, then awful, terrible pain. Tears threatened to form in Cas' eyes, not only from the pain but also from the sight of them.

The angel had manifested his wings in a form nearly devoid of grace, as a physical construct that wouldn't burn any lesser beings’ eyes. But, looking at them in the mirror, it felt as if it was doing just that to him.

_They used to be so beautiful._

Castiel no longer recognized his own wings. He remembered them as a huge, lovely expanse of golden-brown feathers, as strong appendages that could lift and carry him at speeds beyond a human's imaginings... Not these ugly, horrid bones that stretched out like too-big, skeletal fingers. A small covering of down was beginning to grow to cover those however, and he could see budding stems of primary feathers.

There was hope. But the look of hope almost made him feel sick. These awful things extending from his shoulders could never compete with what they used to be, and what they would hopefully be again. He would just have to wait, and that would take a very long time. It would take years.

A few tears _did_ form and begin to roll down his cheeks. He wanted his wings returned to glory right now, at this very moment of looking at them in the mirror. An ache formed in his throat and he lowered his head, preparing himself to dismiss them.

That's when he heard the door open. Cas reacted quickly - in a panic - folding them as tightly as he could and turning to face the door, hiding them as best as he could.

He was met by a dumbfounded looking Dean, a bundle of clothes in his arms.

"Cas, what are you...?" He trailed off, obviously noticing the curve of his wings that stuck out above his shoulders. He squeezed his eyes shut as if fearing they would burn out, but then after a couple of seconds, hesitantly squinted them open.

"Why are my eyes not burning?"

"I, um, I... I manifested my wings in a way that wouldn't be harmful to other life forms." Cas actually felt his face begin to heat. He didn't want Dean's first real sight of his wings to be the atrocity they were now. It was shameful.

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it and cleared his throat, setting his clothes down on the bathroom counter. He had evidently been planning on taking a shower.

"How are they doing, Cas?" He asked tentatively. "Are they um, healing?"

Cas gave a small nod, then realized that tears were still tracking their way down his cheeks. He ashamedly wiped them away with the sleeve of his coat. Fantastic. He hadn't wanted Dean to see him in such a weak and broken state.

"A-A little bit," he stammered out.

Dean kept looking over Cas’ shoulders, not-so-covertly trying to get a peek. Cas wondered why he hadn’t just dismissed them already. Perhaps some part of him was tired of carrying this pain without someone else understanding.

“Dean.” He spoke his name firmly, to draw the man’s attention back to his face. Green eyes darted over to meet his piercing blue ones. Then he looked down at his feet, was shuffling around a little.

“Sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to-”

“You want to see them,” he cut in matter-of-factly. Though he felt anxious with tears still brimming over despite his best efforts to quell them, Cas had come to a decision. He would let Dean see.

“Yeah, it’s just – Well no, not if – I-”

Dean’s voice faltered as Castiel unfurled his wings. He couldn’t help closing his eyes as he did so, afraid to see his expression. He couldn’t open them all the way in the room, but it would be enough.

There was silence save for what sounded like Dean’s breath catching in his throat. Castiel’s cheeks heated red.

“Cas, I… I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I never stopped to think what this was like for you.”

Castiel made himself look at Dean as he heard him take a couple of steps closer. He blinked, his vision blurry. Had it been anyone else he would have moved back, but this was Dean Winchester. He trusted him like he trusted no one else.

There was a wistful sadness in Dean’s eyes, like he was wishing that he too was seeing his wings as they used to be.

“Does it hurt?”

All Cas could do was nod grimly.

Dean moved so that he was standing directly in front of him. He reached his hands up and Cas didn’t stop him as he gingerly touched the top of the wings. He caressed the new feathers there in the most gentle way possible, as if fearing that they would fall out under his touch. Cas wasn’t very sure that they wouldn’t. He almost pulled them back at the thought, but was stopped by the realization that someone was actually _touching_ him here, that a human was touching his _wings_. It had never happened before.

“Cas, turn around,” Dean spoke softly. There was such a profound look of caring in his eyes that Cas couldn’t deny him.

Then two very careful hands were stroking over the base of his wings, fingers running through the soft feathers. Cas released a small sigh, this new sensation on his wings beginning to rival that of the pain.

“Are they always so soft?” Dean breathed in what sounded like wonderment.

“I don’t know,” Cas responded. “I suppose the feathers are softest when they’re new.”

The two fell silent as Dean continued his caressing. He moved his hands over the base of his wings, then up, began tracing over the top of them. 

"Mmm..." Cas let his eyes slide closed in contentment. The nerve-endings in his wings tingled, never before stimulated in a way like this. It was new and wonderful, though Cas was wishing even more now that he had the full glory of his wings; not to fly, but for Dean to touch them like this. 

"Is this nice?" Dean asked quietly. He had leaned closer to speak almost directly in his ear. Speaking louder would have ruined the privacy of this moment, the intimacy of it. 

"Yes, Dean," Castiel breathed. "Very nice." 

"Good." There was a smile in his voice.

Cas drew a sharp, startled intake of air as Dean's fingers stroked over a part of his wings that had no feathers, that was just new, pink flesh. His hands disappeared at the sound.

"Cas, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" The concern in his voice was oddly endearing.

"No, I just wasn't expecting it." Cas pulled his wings in a bit and turned to face Dean. Feeling his hands on skin rather than feathers had brought back the image of how truly horrible they looked. He wondered how Dean had been touching them in what had seemed like worship instead of pulling back from him in a show of disgust or horror.

"What is it?" Dean asked gently, cocking his head a little.

"They are an abysmal sight, Dean." Castiel sounded like he had tasted something he didn't like. "They are ugly, yet you are touching them as if they were full and beautiful like they should be. You are talking to me as if I don't have these horrifying skeletons of appendages sprouting from my back."

"I'm sorry, Cas. Did you want me to treat you like a monster?" Dean questioned in a sarcastic tone. 

"No, I-"

"Because you're not," Dean didn't let him finish. "You're an angel, and much more of an angel than those dickheads you call siblings in my opinion. You're not a monster, Cas, even if you think you look like one. You of all people know I've seen so much worse than this! And this isn't horrible, Cas. They're growing back, they're healing. Yeah, sure, sometimes healing can be ugly, but..." Dean trailed off, swallowed roughly, as if he realized what he had been saying. 

Something surged up inside Cas, a warm feeling that stretched his lips in a smile. He often felt this around Dean, and had come to learn years ago that it was love. He often tried to ignore it though, as Dean didn't always seem to return his feelings. But now, well, perhaps he did. 

Castiel couldn't interpret the look in Dean's eyes. They were full of emotion and feeling and unspoken words.

Dean lifted his hands again, but he didn't touch his wings. He put one had on his shoulder and the other on the back of his neck. He was so close that their breaths mingled. Then those green eyes flicked downwards, towards Cas' mouth, and the angel knew what he had in mind. 

They went for it together, heads tilting and eyes closing as their lips finally, finally met. It was soft and careful and hesitant, but it also said so much that words never could. Dean Winchester loved him. He actually loved him! Happiness burst from Castiel's chest and he made sure to return the emotion through that first kiss. He loved Dean and Dean loved him.

Cas found his arms going around Dean, pulling him close. His body was warm against his.

They pulled apart slowly, almost fearfully. Cas longed for the feeling of Dean's lips just as soon as they were gone. He bravely met Dean's gaze, afraid of what would happen now that the kiss was over. 

"Well that was long overdue," Dean said with a little nervous laugh. Cas beamed at him. 

"It certainly was," the angel agreed. He started a little when Dean's hands ventured back over to his wings. His eyes were smiling just as much as his lips were.

"Dean." Cas didn't know what he was planning to say, if he was going to tell him to stop, or to continue, or maybe something else, so he just left it at his name.

"They'll be beautiful again, Cas," Dean spoke reassuringly. "They won't always be like this."

 _But for now they are wretched and weak._ Cas didn't say this however, not wanting to ruin the moment.

"I know, Dean. Thank you." Cas' smile was tight-lipped, the pain of his wings returning to the forefront of his senses despite Dean's loving touches. So, just like that, he dismissed them, and Dean's fingers grasped at empty air.

He looked a little taken aback by the sudden absence of the wings, fumbled a little, but then settled his hands firmly on Castiel's shoulders. His handsome features were set in a look of understanding.

"Thank you, Cas."

The angel tilted his head and squinted a little in confusion. "For what?"

"For trusting me with them," Dean replied. "And, um..." He blushed, looked away, but didn't remove his hands. "For-for kissing back."

Castiel moved to take Dean's heated face in his hands, made him look at him.

"Dean, I assure you, it was no problem." Feeling brave and invigorated from the love for this human standing before him, Cas surged forward, and kissed him.


End file.
